*Note: This is not a replacement to Reece’s Tuesday Morning Hangovers, this is just bonus coverage. So, Reece; feel free to post your story over this one.
In case you were on an island or in a mental institution somewhere over the weekend (which some of you may have been & there is no shame in that; we’re here for you to talk about it, really), here are some quick bullet points of fantasy football news that you may have failed to cover:
- Ray Rice extra video released. Really? I mean...really? Does this really surprise anybody? First off, you already knew he punched her lights out from the original video evidence. So now that you can actually see him punching her lights out, he’s doomed in his career? Really? Out of all of the people that get paid in PR to know about this evidence, nobody saw this coming? Really? And really, Ray Rice? Did you really think you were going to get away with nobody seeing this extra elevator video? Really? And really, Ray Rice’s now wife? My assumption is that the top reason she went through with getting hitched to Ray Rice was for his money. Well, now all of the hush hush has lost him his job. So, now what? Divorce? Really? All I can say to all of this has already been said by Hery, “Sad…” Sad, indeed. In all unseriousness though, here’s what I had to say to Reece’s tweet on the matter:
All of my elevator videos would show me getting on and forgetting to push a floor...
@ReeceValentine All of mine would show me picking my nose.
- Nathan’s Limited Edition fails to bench an inactive Cam Newton. Here’s to a drunk 0-1! Hey buddy, as mentioned at the top, do you need to let some feelings out? Talk about some inner demons? Or better yet, did you hop on a plane to an island somewhere and miss the whole weekend? I mean, Thursday’s news had Cam Newton as questionable due to his ribs. Then come Saturday night, it was national news that they were going to sit him on Sunday. Then, come 4:25 eastern time zone the next day...the game started. I was literally sitting on a couch next to Francois telling him that he was going to win his first game due to a handicapped, dumb mistake on the part of Nathan. So, basically Francois beat a handicapped man in a figurative first week wheelchair. You proud of that, Francois? Beating handicapped teams? Seriously, though. How the heck do you mess that up? It’s literally three clicks! I’ll break it down for you: 1) You click Cam newton’s tab, 2) You click Alex Smith’s tab, 3) You click submit. And BOOM!...you win your first week against Francois & The Sons of Thunder. I almost, ALMOST texted Nathan to let him know of this roster error, if that counts for anything or discounts for everything. But again, seriously; if this is any sign of your future participation in the coming weeks, Nathan...all I have to say is I guess we should make you your own parking spot with blue painted signs and everything (no offense to the real-life handicapped).
- The Bane loses to first year GM & The Dunwall Assassins by .26 points. As lady luck would have it...lady luck stood Steve up. Sorry, bro. But as the name implies, assassination really is never expected. What made things worse was the staying up until 1:30 in the am on a school night to see the demise, as previously stated on the league page by The Bane, himself. Then again, as a reminder to everybody else...these .?? point games DO happen more often than not. This is why our league is called The Elite; it’s a whole ‘nother level of competition. Just know, Steve, that at least you know beyond a shadow of doubt that the odds are ever in your favor not to go hungry in games that lead to an ever defeated season. You have a legit squad that can potentially take you deep into the playoffs. But then again, you didn’t need my words of sympathy or support to understand that.
- The Sith upsets SSG. The only word that can explain this news is, “Megatron”. Come on, we all knew he was worth a first round pick. Now we really, REALLY know.
And now for some future tidbits:
- Waiver wire. Boy, am I excited to see the moves everybody makes! Now that “Redundant Ray” or “Microwaved Rice” (too soon?) will no longer be a seasonal prospect & has been already dropped, who will take over that Ravens backfield, among other NFL team backfields? Who are the young guns that every other GM thinks will provide their teams with extra bench points? Because, let’s be honest gentlemen...unless you have real balls, you won’t be starting them.
- Every matchup this coming week will be great to see, barring any drunk or handicapped roster moves. I am excited! Let’s go, SSG!!
p.s. It only took me 10 minutes to write this piece. What’s your excuse?
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