Good afternoon, Gents!
(To put simply: because today is Thursday, I want to get one of my picks in with tonight’s game, & my JB podcast for the week fell through...how about we just say that I post whenever I want?)
#WRONG
- “The Bengals defense will be in the top 5 if not THE top defense in the NFL this year.”
- “Can I mention Foles & Vick in the same sentence like they’ll be used in the same games?”
- “David Wilson won’t fumble or get hurt in his first game.”
- “Welcome the sequel’s greatest show on turf- Atlanta.”
#RIGHT
- “And may I mention another stud that goes by the name of Sir Austin?”
- “Not to mention Jared Cook will blow up as well!”
- “RGIII has a slump season and has knee issues the whole season.”
- “Dallas @ New York...Neither team is really worth the views in my opinion.”
- “Kaepernick won’t run at ALL.”
- “Jordy Nelson is Aaron Rodgers’ blanket, his trusted pony during hard times.”
#RESULTS
(JB’s Current Pick 6 Record: 6-6)
Alright, so my record is .500 yet still a little unbalanced. Whenever I make some game picks & include predictions, one side of the scale reads that my picks are HORRID but on the other side of the scale it reads that my player predictions ring true. So, because I didn’t make predictions last week of course I do well with my picks! Nevertheless, you can’t go wrong with getting at least one side of the scale right. Therefore, I stand strong with my segment & it shalt not waiver.
#JABOFTHEWEEK
The jab of the week goes to my buddy, Sir Daniel Martinez, aka The Educators, aka swift breezes between the two front teeth for growing them fantasy football crops & taking advantage of this year’s rainy season of trading...which leads me to this little video I like to call, “Dan’s Roots” (don’t laugh too hard, Henry cuz you are much worse when it comes to this area of “expertise”). Enjoy:
#DARTHWAIVERS
Alright, rebel forces! You want the JB commands of advice before Maucus chases those fantasy waiver points? There’s just one rule with JB’s waiver advice- you only score points with that waiver pickup if you actually START HIM! Here’s JB’s waiver pickup of the week:
- Charles Clay, TE, Miami Dolphins; the numbers 2-0 next to Miami should be reason enough to pick up & start this dude. Can somebody say Tannehill’s blankie?
#JB’SPICK6
#6). St. Louis @ Dallas:
Let’s be real here. Dallas is average. They have potential to be great but they are average (like that’s new, right?). So, forget about them. Again, they aren’t worth our attention. And so what if they have a big ‘ole screen in their dome? That’s no advantage! JB prediction: St. Louis comes in and not only beats them...they smoke Dallas!
JB’s PICK: RAMS
#5). Buffalo @ New York:
This one’s easy & I’ll tell you why. Let’s just compare EJ Manuel to Geno Smith. One swags even when sucking and the other one cries when throwing a game winning touchdown. If EJ is crying after winning his first game, what is he going to do if they beat the Jets IN New York?!? And Geno...jeez. Don’t even get me started. I would sit this young fella down if I didn’t have such a loser in Sanchez. So, you play the cards you have...therefore allowing the Bills to beat you with their hand, which is one of a kind in EJ Manuel. Yes, Jets defense. You are good & you might get a pick or two come this game but that’s all you’re getting because you won’t come away with the W.
JB’s PICK: BILLS
#4). Atlanta @ Miami:
White is out. Jackson is out. So, you have Julio, I gotcha. But isn’t that kinda easy for Miami to stop if you only really have one threat? Now, don’t get me wrong- they do have Gonzalez. Heck, I say throw it to that dude ALL DAY, considering that he’s on my fantasy team. But even with that, it’s just not enough for Matt Ryan to make hay of it all. Again, I say 2-0 next to Miami is reason enough to be on their bandwagon. Has anybody checked out their defense? Cuz when I did, I got spooked and it isn’t even October yet! How can you shoot a high powered pistol that Atlanta has in their offense if Miami’s front line drop kicks your hand so hard that it goes numb and you can’t even pull the trigger. Therefore, I rest my case.
JB’s PICK: DOLPHINS
#3). San Diego @ Tennessee
Alright, FINALLY a tough game to pick! I’ll make this one short, though: I am a believer in the Titans and how well they have been playing lately and thus far in the season. But with that being said, I just can’t see how the Titans can stop Philip Rivers & that CRAZY offense of Eddie & Royal unless Pollard sees fit to acquire another fine and pops Rivers out of the game with a concussion. That being said, I have my pick.
JB’s PICK: CHARGERS
#2). Detroit @ Washington
Okay, I get it. RG3 looks very sloppy and is a mess. But let’s reality check these Lions. Do they really look that vicious? I mean, let’s be honest here. They looked absolutely horrendously sloppy last game! And if Bush doesn’t play, yet if he does and is injured, do we really see them tearing apart this Redskins D in the running game? Maybe. But I say that with a possible 0-3 record on the line, whom is bound to care more: Shannahanahanahanahanaginns or “tough guy warts” Schwartz? And therein lies my pick.
JB’s PICK: REDSKINS
#1). Kansas City @ Philadelphia
This game is HUGE! I can’t wait to watch it tonight from one of those ghetto links I provided you all last week. Even through the gritty quality and skips of my Mac, this game will be worth the watch. Andy Reid comes back into Philly with a better team than when he left Philly. Yes, I said it! The Chiefs are legit & the Eagles are overrated. Even being a fan of Chip Kelly, this dude is still acclimating to the NFL. I mean, come on coach! How can you run a high paced offense yet not understand clock management? Welcome to the NFL. That red runs deep within Andy Reid & it will show tonight. Therefore, I pick the CHIIIIIEFS to overcome the Eagles. Let’s recap that, shall we...
JB’s PICK: CHIEFS
#BONUSUPSETPICKS+2
+1). Cleveland beats Minnesota:
So, they just basically screwed up their team this week, right? WRONG. Minnesota underprepares for this game and gets screwed, simple as that. Say “hi” to a 4 interception game from Ponder whilst your at it.
JB’s PICK: BROWNS
+2). New York gets toasted by Carolina:
One word: mess. That is the definition of the Giants right now. Can they right the ship? Perhaps eventually but not this week. And everybody seems to be sleeping on the Panthers. Can I point out that they almost beat the Seahawks & Bills in two nail biting games? Being 0-2 off of two almost-wins makes things very, very bitter. So bitter that the Panthers will finally get a win this season.
JB’s PICK: PANTHERS
And there you have it! LONG ARTICLE, I know. But this was the least I could do for having my premiere podcast fall through this week. Don’t worry, I’ll try again next week. And whilst I’m at it, let me give a shout out to my opponent of the week. Yo, Reece! Good luck this week and I hope the loss doesn’t sting too bad. Let me just say that the more waiver moves you make, the worse off you are not to mention the more you look scared of losing this week. YOU ALREADY HAVE THE TOOLS! Just plug em in & let’s play, bruh. :)
And now that I have made it so that Henry has fallen asleep during this piece since all he wants to talk about is time, not to mention he is probably still tired from that triathlon/vacationing all week, this is where I insert the challenge: give me something to pick my own brain about in your own bold predictions. Because if there’s anything I love more, it is BOLD predictions. Let’s hear some, fellas! Here is where I pass the weekend torch to your comments...
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