Girl Talk

Well, it seems like some of you ladies have been feeling "a little less than fresh" lately. Fortunately, The Bishop will take the time to explain the facts of life to you.



*Sigh*...Alright ladies, lemme see...I'll start with Daniella: Do your homework girlfriend--you'd already know that I'm sitting GREAT at QB with arguably the fantasy pickup of the year (a top 3-4 QB in pretty much every fantasy ranking since the season started); as for the Rivers-Vick trade, I already had Ponder on the bench (who at that time had put up games of 20-29pts multiple times), and Vick wasn't really playing any better than Rivers--to say nothing of the bench talk coming out of Philly since WEEK ONE. The very next week Vick continued his struggles. More to the point, I presently have Alex Smith sitting on my bench for when I need him on RGIII's bye week, where he'll be playing THE RAMS (we can just call that game "straight cash homey"). Lastly, you're a 1-7 team who's playoffs hopes were gone faster than a fart in Hurricane Sandy's winds, and I'm a championship contender. Go fold Shy's laundry before she catches you on her computer again.



Next up, Henrietta Diaz:
"I could see why you don't trade or no one trades with you.." ...*tsk...tsk*...Now homegirl, we BOTH know that ain't true. I've had every team except the three silent teams (Limited Rendition, Sons of an April Shower, and whatever Albert is calling himself these days while he loses) in my inbox offering trades MULTIPLE TIMES--even on weeks when said teams are playing me (*cough...Hery...cough*). I stay getting offers in my inbox, and I DO trade...when I trust the trade & the trader more than I do my team. Which, let's be honest, isn't often, as I'm particular to my teams, and if you'll recall, I've been 2 games or less from the Super bowl EVERY SINGLE YEAR except for two seasons. So my system doesn't seem to be failing me. And Cam Newton? You do know that he's actually currently ranked JUST BELOW Ponder right now, right? Sure, it's a technicality, but it makes a great point: Obviously, Cam has skills, but he's been struggling. Meanwhile Ponder, while admittedly having a few off games, has actually done a decent job this year--he's had 5 games of 15+ points (something Cam has only done 3 times) and 4 of those were actually for 20 or more. He's had a pair of 4pt games, it's true, but to put that in perspective, Eli[te] "Charlie Brown face" Manning JUST had a 5pt game himself. Ponder is within the league's top 20 currently based on point totals, and is actually ranked HIGHER than Newton, Flacco, Bradford, Schuab, and Romo (10 points or less behind Smith, Luck, Fitzpatrick, Vick, and Palmer). Simply put, I know what I'm doing. Stick to offering wack trades & playing w/your rubber ducky [pause].

And lastly, J'honnetta [Jonathan]: Chica, your girl Daniella should've warned you--I'm not just a major championship contender year after year, I'm the People's Champ on these here message boards, a Legend at the keyboards. I'll whoop your team, shred you talking about roster choices, & incinerate your team name, all while having you questioning your choice in shoes...Since I already extensively covered Pondergate above, I'll simply say that I just wanted to get a measly TE option w/someone else thrown in to make a QB trade worthwhile for a guy who could possibly be of use to someone in the next few weeks (it's not like his 20+ point days are truly behind him unless he gets hurt), especially against a division rival next week (which, regardless of a teams skill, always ends up a tossup in the NFC North). Anyway, I'll let you be, despite your Space Ghost avi that doesn't match your team name, as I respect your willingness to dive into our league with such zeal, your record is good, and your story writing reminds me of the good ol' days when we used to read "The Boxcar Children", "Goosebumps", and "Adventures in Odyssey". Keep up the good work Chica.

Ha...Ha...Ha...
~Bishop

ps. Sorry Reece, I would've let your story cook a little longer, but the game's tonight and I HAD to do it.