The Legend of Our Trading Black Hole

Boys! 

Gather around…   

As I tell you an infamous campfire story… 

This a tale because we needed a legit creative piece. 

*It happened a long time ago, in a league far, far away… 

A story so impactful, its effects are still felt today… 

*An impact, so great, HBK & L.E. are the only GMs who survived… 

*One of the first trades in the Elite history took place. 

Mighty Men of Benjamin sent Gotham Knights a trade offer. 

*A season vet, Rudy Johnson for the rookie…Adrian Peterson.  

The rest is history, my friends… 

*Mighty Men of Benjamin went on to win the belt that year.

*He’s basically winning at everything in life now, too. 

And Gotham Knights? 

*It’s rumored he still hears “You Duck!” over and over in his head. 

*It’s rumored Sons of Thunder has never even traded because of this. 

Gotham Knights was never the same…ever, again. 

He just… 

Shut.   

Down. 

R.I.P. 

He stopped trading. 

He stopped shaving… 

He stopped cutting his hair… 

He moved away from everyone he knew… 

And now he’s stopped setting his lineup, too. 

The moral of the story is you should definitely have Direct TV.   

And this is why Gotham Knights will never ever trade with you.

*Also, my article was in the shape of how you read a heart rate monitor.  

Straight Out Clowning...

Gentlemen. Start your engines. The 2015 season of the Elite League begins. If you're not up to date with the most recent trends of the internet, I'm not going to waste the time to catch you up. All you need to know is there is no other way to start a new season than by shots fired. As much I would have liked to feature all of you, I only had a six carrier so I had to use my best ammo. Welcome to year 10. 

Here's how it works: "Straight Outta" either means what you "represent" or what you don't have :) 

Gotham Knights would still draft Daunte Culpepper if the NFL.com didn't say, "NO."

The Bane is actually from a place called "Farmington"...this is a probably a compliment. 

This one made me laugh out loud. 

Get the blade count on your razor up, Sith!

Bonus: 

I don't care if 10 more years go by...I just can't resist myself when it comes to The Educators. 

Dude could only take so many losses...
P.s. Niners are "straight outta players"

The Truth About Trades...

Meet Hery Diaz. GM of the Sesame Street Gang (and hypothetical owner of the Miami Heat).

A few weeks ago, Mr. Diaz-Riley wrote a fantastic piece on the importance of trading in a fourteen week season of fantasy football. Siquel and Ebert gave it a “two spell checks” up! I hyphen Pat Riley to Hery Diaz’s name because of the similarities they share. If Hery could wear Italian suits, he would…if he could slick his hair (which he’s probably tried) he would…and if he could get away with telling you half the truth, he would…

Trades are designed to enhance your team. Correct. However here’s what Hery Diaz-Riley didn’t tell you in his “truth about trades”…