A Fantasy Football Letter to Daniel-Son

 Dear Dan III - 

It’s only dawned on me based upon recent events that one day your Dad will share with you the game we all love and play (from the sidelines), “football.” It’s a wonderful game where you basically run into another human being as hard as possible. Also, if this game doesn’t exist anymore due to some yet-to-be-discovered health risk, let the record show I’m surprised either. 

Now I don’t know how old you are or what Google search has to lead you to this post, but it’s safe to assume you’re able to read. Also, I’m not sure if you believe in Santa or not, but I’m not going to ruin your innocence either. 

The purpose of this future dated article is because as you grow up, you are primarily dependent on your father for everything you know*. I imagine your head is full of beliefs such as your Dad used to be a “stud*,” used to look like “The Rock*” and pretty much everything centers around life in both the late nineteen hundreds* and early two-thousands. I’m sure you get the point… 

However, the focus of this article is on the subject of fantasy football, which I’m sure your Dad has mentioned that he’s never lost* a game, or missed the playoffs* in a season and that he wins it all* every year. For the record, I don’t blame him. You want your son to think of you as a type of hero, but there are some things in life that simply are not no matter how hard we may try to fly* like Superman. (He does have his own website though) 

It’s highly tempting to discuss that first-place winner in 2012, but let’s just talk about your Dad for now. He has lost a weekly match-up. He has missed the playoffs. He’s even lost in the Super Bowl to that same first-place winner above and he’s definitely 0-3 so far in 2021. Again, he’s got a lot of fatherly qualities I’m sure you’ve appreciated, but accurate stories aren’t one of them. Please feel free to reach out with any other Qs you may have about Pops. 

Love, 

Uncle Reece (aka HBK)

*Now that is a very scary thought… 

**An old term no one uses anymore

***A super old dude by the time you’re able to read this

****We’re equally as old but not as cool as the guy above

*****https://did-dan-lose.mystrikingly.com/ 

******I’m now convinced that is what he tells your Mother 

*******You wouldn’t be the first little boy to try it

Tuesday Morning Hangovers

Dan: “Just in case we got ripped off, you still owe me $50 bucks…” #weekfour

Tuesday Morning Hangovers

Maucus: I rarely find myself hating this game… Me: Define rarely? Maucus: Frequently. #weektwo

Girl Talk

Well, it seems like some of you ladies have been feeling "a little less than fresh" lately. Fortunately, The Bishop will take the time to explain the facts of life to you.

I Feel Ya Homie...

Flashback: And just think bro... you hid this from your facebook hoping these days were over hahaha Good Game Buster!!

I feel you homie...(Dan)

Happy Heritage Month

Happy Sunday, Fellas! It's another day of football, back to our routine for the game. Some of us make the best of it by huddling up each weekend for the fun! Sadly, some of us are stuck behind the grind of work, or just oversleeping each week (Justin lol). Either way, this week should be a little bit different. This month highlights the celebration of the Hispanic heritage influenced in our country. The beautiful fact is that we all get to live and kick it together, no matter where we're from or who we are. I still would not be surprised if Reece was an intern for the FBI, or an undercover agent. But we are all Boys! He can still tryout for the comeback of The Village People as the officer.

Nathan's Overly Protective!

Nathan, Nathan, Nathan... Loosen up a bit homie. Take your business major and finally do something productive with it by checking the numbers on your roster. This dude has 3 Defenses on his squad, and this follows up a case of him having 2 kickers. C'mon Man!! I thought you knew what you were doing in this league...? You better get your $200 bucks back from the little Fantasy Football Roster Simulator you bought and start playing this game yourself. If you haven't learned a lesson from the Terminator and Hery's Spell Check, You Can't Trust Machines!! So get that Jock of your face and let's go!!!

Respectfully,
Your Teacher

Welcome Back

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, chickens and ducks,

It has begun (technically, but can we actually count Hery and Nathan's squabble on Wednesday?). Football happens on Sunday. Sunday is the day of fingernails and feasting. There are more prayers said by fantasy football GMs than in the Baptist pews. I welcome you to the warmth of laptops overheating and eye-straining that might someday force Francois to put actual lenses in his glasses. I welcome you to late night trade talk with Dan and and the ESL training you will all receive from reading his posts. I welcome you to a league where trophies are taken hostage and egos are crushed. Welcome to the land of golden opportunity. This is football. Do your research. Play well. Somebody please trade me for Blount. Let the games begin.


-The Bane

A Totally Context Free Photo...

Apparently, Mr. Foster thinks we're sick. [*Cranes neck at Dan* I think he's talking about you, dawg.] Apparently, Mr. Foster should watch his hammy and quit crying,...#ImJustSaying (you see what I did there?)

~Bishop

Countdown To Draft Day (Part 1)...

Well ladies,

In just a few short days, we'll all be lined up at Draft Central for this year's live draft. (It's the first time we've truly done this!) Each of our league's talented and well dressed GMs (oh, and Dan) will show up to start building their foundation to championship glory. It's an exciting time, and in the spirit of this, I figured it'd be a good time for me to take my talents to The Pigskin, and start blogging! While ya'll are online studying whether or not to draft all Eagle's players this year, I'll be dropping a little bit of football-related goodness each day to build our appetites for this season. Today, a classic clip from an '80s football gem--if you've never seen at least part of this movie, you were either A) a '90s baby, and thus have nothing further to talk to me about, as you still drink Similac, B) Raised an extremely conservative Adventist (or a PK)--which is basically the same as being Amish, or C) You're Steve. Which is basically the same as "all of the above".



Good luck this weekend,
~Bishop

The Commish Report: The Educators

This week on the Commish Report: we sit down with Dr. Joe Allison, a teacher to Dan Martinez (owner of the Sesame Street Gang). He gives us a recap of last year, summer changes and his outlook on 2010. (Reece Valentine host)