A Fantasy Football Letter to Daniel-Son

 Dear Dan III - 

It’s only dawned on me based upon recent events that one day your Dad will share with you the game we all love and play (from the sidelines), “football.” It’s a wonderful game where you basically run into another human being as hard as possible. Also, if this game doesn’t exist anymore due to some yet-to-be-discovered health risk, let the record show I’m surprised either. 

Now I don’t know how old you are or what Google search has to lead you to this post, but it’s safe to assume you’re able to read. Also, I’m not sure if you believe in Santa or not, but I’m not going to ruin your innocence either. 

The purpose of this future dated article is because as you grow up, you are primarily dependent on your father for everything you know*. I imagine your head is full of beliefs such as your Dad used to be a “stud*,” used to look like “The Rock*” and pretty much everything centers around life in both the late nineteen hundreds* and early two-thousands. I’m sure you get the point… 

However, the focus of this article is on the subject of fantasy football, which I’m sure your Dad has mentioned that he’s never lost* a game, or missed the playoffs* in a season and that he wins it all* every year. For the record, I don’t blame him. You want your son to think of you as a type of hero, but there are some things in life that simply are not no matter how hard we may try to fly* like Superman. (He does have his own website though) 

It’s highly tempting to discuss that first-place winner in 2012, but let’s just talk about your Dad for now. He has lost a weekly match-up. He has missed the playoffs. He’s even lost in the Super Bowl to that same first-place winner above and he’s definitely 0-3 so far in 2021. Again, he’s got a lot of fatherly qualities I’m sure you’ve appreciated, but accurate stories aren’t one of them. Please feel free to reach out with any other Qs you may have about Pops. 

Love, 

Uncle Reece (aka HBK)

*Now that is a very scary thought… 

**An old term no one uses anymore

***A super old dude by the time you’re able to read this

****We’re equally as old but not as cool as the guy above

*****https://did-dan-lose.mystrikingly.com/ 

******I’m now convinced that is what he tells your Mother 

*******You wouldn’t be the first little boy to try it

The Madden Curse

The Madden Curse is a well documented superstition. Its validity has been questioned year after year, but without fail the player appearing on the cover of the Madden video game is doomed to bust, get injured, or worse... fade into mediocrity. For points of reference, consider the following infographic:

Madden Curse History

It just so happens that our league seems to have a similar curse. The trophy that now gets passed from champion to champion every year may seem innocent enough, but do not be fooled. Since its inception in 2010, our trophy tradition has been plaguing its recipient with more than just pride. Consider the following situations:

• 2010: SSG receives the trophy after a great season and spent the next 3 years locked in 3rd place.
• 2011: LTD receives the trophy (in deplorable condition). His season ranking since: 4th, 4th, 8th, 9th.
• 2012: HBK receives the trophy and uses his Goodell "charm" to fight the spell off for another year. He too eventually falls and is currently two years into his 3rd place sentence.
• 2014: SSG finally climbs back to the spotlight, only to miss the playoffs entirely the following year.
• 2015: Darius earns his first championship and receives the trophy. It sits on his mantle currently shining more brightly than his record of 1-2.

Thankfully, our league has missed out on the injury side of the curse so far.

Of course Henley's 'Invictus' rings faintly in our ears: We are the masters of our fate. We are the general managers of our teams. No one knows what the future may bring. But Darius, the odds are not in your favor.

Boom Shakalaka,

Chief Rocka

We're 24 Hours Away...

It's Almost Football Season...

Tuesday Morning Hangovers

This week's post is more like Someday Morning Hangovers... #weeklate 

Tuesday Morning Hangovers

My NFL and fantasy team had the same score for most of the day... #week3 

Tuesday Morning Hangovers

"Ding Dong! The Witch is dead. Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch! Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead." #weekseven

I feel you homie...(Dan)

Tuesday Morning Hangovers...

All it took was one story and GM’s are willing to trade 3/4ths of your team…if I write a story on why we need videos, will you all suddenly start posting them???

Welcome Back

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, chickens and ducks,

It has begun (technically, but can we actually count Hery and Nathan's squabble on Wednesday?). Football happens on Sunday. Sunday is the day of fingernails and feasting. There are more prayers said by fantasy football GMs than in the Baptist pews. I welcome you to the warmth of laptops overheating and eye-straining that might someday force Francois to put actual lenses in his glasses. I welcome you to late night trade talk with Dan and and the ESL training you will all receive from reading his posts. I welcome you to a league where trophies are taken hostage and egos are crushed. Welcome to the land of golden opportunity. This is football. Do your research. Play well. Somebody please trade me for Blount. Let the games begin.


-The Bane

Who DOESN'T want this guy this year...