For months and months there was speculation about whether there would be football this season, or if we would have to resign ourselves to creating a WNBA fantasy league (think about that for a moment...*shudder*). Grown men began to question the meaning of their existence. Seemingly lost without a cause, these men became shells of their former selves; groaning, aimless zombies, shambling through the aisles of the local Wal-Mart in search of a diversion, possessing not a single hope for their futures. After all, what was the point?: Without football, what else is there really to do between August and February? How else would our Sundays and Monday nights be spent during those chilly autumn months, as winter creeps in?
Already, the lockout so deeply affected us, even during the football-free summer months, that our very own commissioner Reece took up blogging about drinking water and going to farmer's markets (http://collegecelebrity.blogspot.com)! Reigning champ Hery (more on him in a bit) moved to the mountains--presumably to join some mountain cult and commune with Jim Henson puppets or something. If there was no football, what would Francois do in those cold months besides wear v-neck sweaters that are 2 sizes too small? Would Steve have to resign himself to long days of StumbleUpon, and long nights of working on a recipe for tofu-seaweed brownies or something? The horror!
Mercifully, someone has heard the cries of men everywhere, and football has been restored...Which brings me to current events: This season. Right now, 9 out of 10 teams and GMs have been identified (with the mystery 10th team still waiting in the shadows...), and we're looking at another dynamic season, hopefully boosted by the addition of GM Teddy G and his team "Team Go for Gold". Here is your welcome Teddy: Quit now. Retire. Stick to being a rapper/actor. This league has a way of wearing men down into shriveled up caricatures of what they were like--juice box drinking, fruit snack eating, Pokemon watching school children (Shout out to "The Educators", "The Team", and "The Maven").
Meanwhile, let us turn our attention to what really matters--The Chip. The Title. The Championship. The Throne. Last year, by skill, by bribery, by some freak accident, or perhaps by Illuminati conspiracy, Hery D pulled out a victory and became the champ. We must congratulate him on his excellence. In all seriousness, he is a true student of the game, putting in serious time and effort to craft a strong team (even while he was a student). He is also a passionate, innovative, trash-talker, and must be recognized for that...Somehow he took a cornball gimmick, mixed it with jokes that Tyler Perry would've rejected, and yet, managed to legitimately insult us--and win while doing it. (We can never let this happen again) The Throne is his, and for now, he is king. But a wise king watches his back, as there are those, even now, before draft day, before preseason has even started, before all 10 teams have even been identified, who are planning, plotting, lining up a strategy to take the crown. Don't let the previous years' victories go to your head my friend, for it's a new day. The Throne will soon be up for grabs again, and only time will tell if its' current ruler will keep or throne, or be forced to vacate. Game on gentlemen.
~Bishop
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